Post Surgery

Well it has been a over three weeks since my surgery and things are looking good. Ever since my stints have been removed life got much better. I'm still very tired but prefer being tired than not being able to sleep at all. I'm slowly getting my energy back...I just wish that when I do something, I didn't want to take a nap afterwards. My house is getting a bit tiring to look at. I want to go out but when I do I get bad headaches. So if you see me out and about and I look non-interested its because I am fighting a headache and the urge to drop down right where I am and take a nap! As you might know I am not a patient person so a part of me feels like "Hey! I had surgery so I should be able to run a marathon" (not that I ever could run a marathon before but I like to raise that bar high!!) I know I have to be patient! Day by day....I think the frustrating part for me is that I'm still waiting for paperwork to be done for the boy that I'm trying to adopt. I would have thought that it would be done by now since I have been doing this for 8 months now (10 if you count the weeks of classes that I took). I get nervous thinking if I am going to be able to get any time with him this summer. On the other hand I don't mind holding off so that he can be enrolled back to the school that he was going to. It's so complicated! If your thinking of having a child things can be pretty scary but raising a child who is partially grown is (I think) even scarier. Everyday that he is not with me is a day I loose. Already this year he has lost his two front teeth and they have already grown back. He is growing on a daily basis too. He's not so little anymore! I am missing out on a lot! I feel like I will be totally gray when I get any time with him and he will be graduating high school. Every time I think we are coming close to being down with the home study paperwork something else pops up and next things you know it's gonna take another month. Frustrating!! Well for now I guess I will have to focus on getting better and prepared for the day that I can bring him home!!

Surgery is over!

Well surgery is over....and lets just say this post op surgery is a bitch! I have never felt like such crap before in my life. They said I would feel like I have a sinus infection but having two stints up my nose is not my equivalent to a sinus infection. I have to wear gauze's over my nostrils so that I do not bleed out. Oh and let's not forget the drainage going down my throat! Let's just say the drainage has made me more nauseous then the medication I've been taking. I have never felt like such a train wreck in my life. I know things will get better but my patients is wearing thin. When I can't even get up to go to the bathroom without hyperventilating or going up the stairs without getting winded *insert visual of old lady crawling up stairs*. Right now I am going on about 3 days of no sleep. If I didn't have a head ache due to the surgery, I've got to be getting headaches do to lack of sleep. I feel like am confined to my first floor, which basically I am because going up and downstairs makes my heart beat out of my chest! I hate it when I think of things that I need and then realize "crap" it's up stairs, or I need to restock the toilet paper and it's down in the basement. These are the times I say to myself "Don't EVER take it for granted when you are healthy!" and REMEMBER TO PAY IT FORWARD!! Wether it's a nice gesture or an act of kindness, the people who have been helping me out do not understand how much it's been helping. Bringing me a meal, calling/texting to check up on me, or moving my room around so that I can somehow get some kind of sleep (love my friends!).

I have learned a few things through this experience and I have to put a blog site up for you to read if you wish. This blogger was very helpful in making light of surgery before taking that big plunge with her situation being more severe than mine. The website is:  www.everywhereist.com/70-things-i-learned-from-having-a-brain-tumor/

She gave me many ideas to how to handle what I am and was going through with humor. She was the inspiration in deciding to name my tumor. Of course my friends chimed in on what I should name it-- "Elivs". I don't think I will look at Elvis Presley the same way ever again! I appreciate that I could have a sense of humor with the medical staff around me. I have to joke about things! Life is too serious not to joke about what is going on. I'm glad my ICU nurse had a sense of humor too since whatever must have been left in my stomach projectile all over myself. I tried to give her a heads up before I got sick but she wasn't fast enough....poor thing! I am amazed at people who are able to do what hospital/medical people can do. I was totally grossed out and she was like "eh?!?". My hospital stay was very short. I was only in there for two days and that's including the actual surgery itself. When they want you to get out of the hospital they want you out. They asked me if I wanted to stay but I felt like that was a loaded question....."Let me think?....Stay where I am waited on hand and foot 24/7 and taken care of if for any reason there is any discomfort or pain by people who have gone to school and trained to take care of people such as myself?, OR go home where you will be laying on the couch knowing your Dad is doing his absolute very best taking care of you but he is no medical care person, well at least he never showed me a degree! Also asking a person who has been heavily sedated is (in my opinion) not a very good thing to do. Of course I agreed to discharge as soon as possible so that I could get home.

The minute they put me in the hospital wheelchair I knew the hard part was just about to begin. It amazes me the very little tiny things we take for granted on a daily basis, such as taking a shower. My first shower home was NOT fun! All I can say is that water got on me and I was pretty much done after that. I couldn't breathe worth crap and I thought my head was actually going to pop off! I literally crawled to get my clothes on and my hair....well I'm just surprised I didn't shave it off. It would have been easier than trying to brush it after that shower. It's been almost a week since my surgery and I took my second shower since I have been home. HOLY CRAP! Time does heal! I was actually able to enjoy my shower and get myself clean. The brushing of my hair went really smoothly. Still need it cut but my head did not pop off and it doesn't hurt like it did before. I'm still a bit dizzy and stuff but that's to be expected!

What I am really looking forward to is getting the stints in my nose removed on Wednesday! Can not wait until those are out! Those are the things that are giving me the biggest problem right now. Still difficult to sleep and lay my head down. I feel like I could probably sleep a year when those come out! I can hear every little pounding in my brain and swish of whatever liquids are in your skull to keep it intact. That noise is not pleasant and very annoying! Of course it worsens when you lay your head down. Sleeping sitting straight up is not very easy. I've been making it work (sort of) but I usually wake up quickly when my body wants to lay down on its side. With that I have been watching a lot of TV. If you work during the day you are not missing anything. There is nothing on!! I think the television companies just replay the same day over and over again!

I am feeling truly blessed and lucky to have the people that I do in my life. People have been very helpful and caring with everything that has been going on! I can't believe how many wonderful people that I have in my life that care so much! It's scary going into a surgical situation and not knowing what or who will be there for you when you get out! No matter what anyone says....Friends ARE family. You cannot convince me other wise. It takes a village to raise a child but it also takes humanity to help someone in need!

Now that I am able to think more clearly......I am going to try to work on my "Thank You" cards! I do not want to forget anyone who has offered any little help at all possible. Even the smallest of things can make a HUGE difference!!

I can't believe surgery's tomorrow!

     Tomorrow is the big day! Elvis is leaving the building!! Yes, that is what I have decided to name my tumor (with the help of a really good friend;). I read a blog today about "70 things I learned from my brain tumor" and one thing the author stated was to name your tumor. I thought "HEY!" what a good idea! So Elvis it is and it will be Always on my mind!
     At this point in time I am feeling rather relaxed. I know that will change consistently as the night goes on but right now I'm good. I have a headache and really want to take some Excedrine or Motrin to help my headache but I can't.  Not happy with that! At midnight tonight is when I have to stop eating and drinking. A part of me doesn't think that will be bad. However, I am an ornery person and when you tell me that I can't do something that is when I TOTALLY want to do it! So here is hoping that my ornery side does not come out!! I had to put my dogs in a kennel today. That was extremely hard too! I left blubbering like a baby! I know they will be fine but I felt like I was saying good bye and I hate goodbye's. I had to kennel them because I don't want people to have to worry about them. I also don't think I'll be able to take care of them when I get home. The thought of having a huge headache and then bending over to pick up poop is not my ideal situation post-surgery! Plus knowing my dogs, they will be jumping all over my head when I am trying to rest. That can't happen!! I still feel like I have a ton of things left that I need to do but have decided that if it doesn't get done than it wasn't meant to get done! I'm not stressing over cleaning!
     I know a lot of people have asked what they could do for me and I feel lucky and blessed that so many care! However, I have to restate again-- Please keep me in your prayers and pray for a speedy recovery! Here's to It's Now or Never!

4 days until surgery!

     

     Well today was my last day of work before my surgery. I have a ton of things to do to get ready for the big day and of course it is all CLEANING! I hate cleaning but I do not want to come home to a dirty house. I did pretty well at school today until the end of the day. I was locked out of a classroom so that the kids could make me cards. Of course I didn't know what was going on so I started freaking! I didn't want my last day to be this big send off! I just quietly wanted to leave and then come back the last day or two for a visit. So because I did not know what they were doing my mind went zooming a million miles a minute and I started to cry. Pathetic! I know! But I didn't want to have to explain to the kids in my classrooms that I was going to have brain surgery. It sounds worse than it is. Right now I am healthy! I have some issues but nothing compared to some people I know. This is a preventative surgery. The tumor needs to be removed so that it does not cause any problems in the future. It has grown....so therefore needs to be removed. That is it....end of story! However, to be honest I am truly nervous and scared! A large part of me knows that I shouldn't be and that everything is going to be fine. But, another part of me is like "Dude! This is your Brain we are talking about! You know that thing that controls EVERYTHING else in your body! One slip up and your toast!" I'm also nervous about being under anesthesia. I don't want to say anything really stupid or mean. I am a very stubborn person and I can see that stubbornness coming out of me while under the influence of pain medications and anesthesia. I've already told the doctors that they are going to have to strap my arms down so that I don't rip out the gauze's and tubes that may be on me. I do not like anything on my face or head while trying to rest. So of course I'm having brain surgery where they are surgically working DIRECTLY on my face and head. Isn't is funny how life hands you some major oxymoron's?!?
     I also had to say goodbye to the boy I'm trying to adopt. I know it's only for a little while and not forever but I don't want him to think that I left. The only time that I get to see him is at school and I try to go and visit him everyday if I can. He has had too many people who have disappeared in his life. I would hate to be another person added to that list of his! I did tell him and let him know that I wasn't going to see him next week, that I was going to be out. He restated what I said and then I left it at that. I didn't want to go into details and he really doesn't need to know at this point. I am hoping to be able to FaceTime him and his class as I recuperate at home. That will be fun! I may not be able to go to school but they can still see that I am okay and thinking of him!
     It was quite funny today when some people found out that I was leaving to have surgery. The first questions that I got were "What are you having surgery for?"  I hated having to say...."to remove a pituitary adenoma"......but I also didn't want to have to say...."to remove a brain tumor". Either one does not sound good! I think a lot of people were confused about me having surgery because there appears to be nothing physically wrong with me. It's funny how something that you can't see, effects so many things! The brain works in mysterious ways. People were also asking what they could do for me. I don't like that question! I know people care and are just concerned for me but I don't know how to answer that question. Let me think!?!? My bills needs to be paid...dogs need to be taken care of....laundry needs to be washed...OH! My house needs to be cleaned!! HA! Seriously though, I'm good! All that I ask is that you keep me in your thoughts and prayers so that everything turns out alright!

Oh baklava!.....homemade baklava would be good! Haven't had that in a long time!! **cheesy grin**

2 Weeks

Well I have about 2 weeks before my surgery and I think I have things pretty much ready for my time off for recovery. I'm getting a bit nervous but keep reminding myself that everything is going to be okay. I finished my last Home Study visit and all I need to do is wait for paperwork to be done. The Home Study guy said that he is going to try and finish the paperwork and turn it in by May 16th. Then after that its just waiting for the paperwork to be signed before I get licensed as a foster parent or get some type of consistent visitation. I have a meeting with the Social worker and foster mom this Friday. This should be interesting! Not sure exactly what to expect but trying to keep an open mind about it all. I guess I'm just waiting for something to blow up in my face. I don't want to think negatively but waiting this long and now having surgery, I can't help but think "What obstacles are going to be thrown at me next?". I wish there was a way to predict the future so that the stress of the unknown could be taken away!

It's a GO!

Well I came back from my Neurosurgeon appointment today with a date for my surgery. May 19th should be the big day! I was hoping to have the surgery a bit sooner (like the first week in May) but I guess this is good because it gives me more time to get things together. I won't have to rush so much when it comes to settling my affairs. Like I said before, I'm not a patient person but I'm guessing this is the plan god has set for me so I will go along with it!! It also works better for my Dad who will be helping to take care of me after the surgery. It's funny....when we went in today to see the doctor I was expecting to be extremely nervous for a date and time. However, I feel better that we are finally moving forward with this! It also sounds like the recovery for my surgery should not be very long. It should only be just a couple of weeks, because this is a minimally invasive kind of surgery (endoscoptic- through the nose) the recovery time is much quicker. Of course everything will all depend on how well the surgery goes!

I have to add that I really like the fact that ALL of my doctors are talking to each other! I can't state that enough!! Doctors need to talk to each other!! They can discuss whatever it is that they want to discuss as long as it correlates to my being healthier and rid of this tiny yet enormous problem!! I did not feel like they talked much to each other the last time I went through this (thus the calling off of my surgery the minute I walked through the surgery doors 2 years ago). So when I have seen each of my 3 doctors I stated to them that they needed to talk! Communication is the key to success!! Plus with everything that happened last time I do feel a bit better that they are communicating and are more accommodating to my needs. They know my situation and my progress in the adoption process. My Neurosurgeon stated today that he himself was adopted. So now he needs to really focus on getting rid of this little problem not just for me but for my future son! I am feeling good about this which I think is for the best. If I had any reservations I would be putting this off a little bit longer and I don't want to do that! Life is moving much too fast and I don't like that I have to sit and wait for life as it passes me by. So now that I have about a month until my surgery I need to get my house in order. I also need to call my Home Study guy to set a time to meet and hopefully get in one more visitation with the boy I am hoping to adopt! Just because I'm going to be having brain surgery does not mean I am going to stop with everything that is going on in my life. I plan on having an AWESOME summer with my future kid and know that I will be on the path to a much healthier life. As Pete the Cat says...."It's all Good!" Now to start making a list of things that need to be completed before I have surgery.

OLD POST from 2014- How time changes in the most dramatic way!

Well it is now August 2014 and it has been well over a year since my journey with Cushing's Disease has begun. Many people have asked how I have been feeling and I am very appreciative of all those who care. I am doing very well!! My recovery has been extremely long but I am doing much better and able to do most of what I was doing before my Cortisone breakdown occurred. I still do not have any answers and no one can tell me (who/what/where/when/or why) this has all happened but I have learned that I am very much a human with human aches and pains! I wish that I could say that I was a fighter through all of this but I'm not really sure what I'm fighting against. I have truly learned what the word appreciate and thankful mean. I appreciate those around me who have helped me out in so many ways. Even ways in which you think are not helpful can be more helpful than you realize yourself. (Does that make sense?) I love my job and all the kiddos I work with but it is very hard doing what I do when you are not yourself. It has only been a week since the school year has started and I have had several people mention that I am back to my bubbly old self. Well when your now able to run up and down the stairs (one at a time) without pain in your feet or legs, it makes a huge difference in your attitude and especially your strength. The one symptom that has taken the longest and I'm still working a little bit more on is the regaining of my strength. It amazes me how, when a person is in pain (either physical or emotional), it can wipe a person out!

What's to come!?!

So as of right now I will be having surgery to remove my pituitary adenoma. I have seen the ENT and the Endocrinologist and both have agreed that since my adenoma (aka tumor) has grown it needs to be removed. The positive thing about all of this happening now is that I am considerably healthier than I was when all of this adenoma stuff was detected and started happening. Which makes me feel slightly better with having the surgery. When I was going through this the first time I was a hot mess and couldn't even get off of the couch because I was in such pain. Now (although I get very tired easily) I am able to do so much more and snap back from aches and pains much easier. As with my diagnosis of Cushings.....my Endocrinologist says that I do NOT have Cushings. No one is able to explain what happened and why it happened? As it has been stated....I am an oddity! But those who know me knew that :) So I guess that is another positive to all of this mayhem. Next step is to see the Neurosurgeon and hopefully set a date for surgery. I've always been fascinated by the brain and how it works. Never knew mine would be such a controversy!!

The obstacles keep on coming!

It's funny how life keeps throwing obstacles at you! The obstacles keep on coming but faith is helping me through them (that and my awesome friends!). It's been over a year since I last put up a post on this blog, but to be fair nothing much has happened in my life. Well life has decided to change that.... Right now I am currently in the process of adopting a little boy. I will get more into detail on that story in the future but as of right now my pituitary tumor has decided to re-emerge into my life and try to put a damper on things. The clincher is that while I have been going through the adoption process for 8 months now, my tumor has decided to grow and cause yet another road block into my future. What does that mean? More than likely surgery. So now I have this young boy to think about and god has given me this obstacle of going to have surgery. Not just any old surgery but BRAIN surgery. Not that anybody wants to have surgery at all or even have some kind of tumor, but why couldn't I have had a tumor somewhere further away from my brain? At times I do feel defeated and think...Everything that I try to do, something has to happen and I have to put my hopes and dreams aside. Honestly, I want to throw a temper tantrum like a child but what good would that do? It doesn't change anything! My biggest fear through all of this is the possibility of not being able to adopt. I never thought that I would get the chance to be a mom and now I have the opportunity. I'm not in the adoption process to find a child to adopt. I've already found him! It's just getting everything legalized through paperwork. I have to go through all the red tape and jump through hoops to be able to get the opportunity to visit with him. I understand the process, especially since he is a foster child, but it has been an agonizing wait! Now this!! I keep telling myself this is probably the best time for this to occur. I can get this surgery done and over with before he is able to come and live with me. Home inspection (CHECK), Emergency contacts (CHECK), Home study interviews (CHECK), Brain tumor removed (CHECK). I totally believe that god has a purpose and plan for my life. I just wish he would let me in on the secret as to what that plan would be. So as of right now I have to wait for all of my doctors appointments to see what and when things are going to happen. If you know me, you know that I am not a patient person. I hate sitting and waiting for things to happen! Life happens and it happens quickly. When you wait there are many things that you may be missing! Luckily I have many people in my life who remind me of the importance of waiting and being patient. I know they are right, but it doesn't help when it comes to my mind and my heart! So as my journey continues, I hope that god grants me the patience that I need and the heart to continue to believe that.....everything happens for a reason!